I want to love my body from the bottoms of my feet to the very crown of my head. Maybe I'll work my way up, or maybe I'll jump around. For today, I've fallen in love with my toes. If my toes could hear me, this is what I'd say:

Hola toes! Hola dedos!

I love that we don't like socks and shoes, because I think you're way too cute to be covered by socks and shoes! (Seeing as we dwell in the land of frozen tundra--Wisconsin, you're covered with those things FAR too long, so I promise to only pick cool socks and shoes to decorate you with)

 I love the beautiful uniqueness of you, toe number 2. You're taller than the other 4. I like that...going against the norm. I like to think this is why I rock at balancing. Long toes, and longer balance toe. You can be my little ballerina toe. Wait, how about my tree pose and cat stance toe instead? Yes! That's much better. I don't like ballet anymore. Sorry about cramming you guys into those terrible Pointe shoes for years. Thanks for sticking around during that. I'm pretty sure I broke a few of you back then...sorry
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 Beautiful toes, you're so smart. The way you grip the wooden floor when I dance Nia inside, is so different than when I danced Nia in the grass today! You just knew what to do! You didn't even make my brain figure it out, you just did it! That feels so wonderful. I know you were just really happy dancing and you knew that when that annoying brain starts in, it ruins the dance! (Yes, it's best to leave Brain alone. Brain is crabby. He needs a nap). You even know the difference of a yoga mat beneath you. You talk so nicely to my bones when I'm not holding a pose the right way, you give them the reminder that you really don't like working so hard! Wise little guys you are, taking such good care of yourselves! You know, you're like little messengers? If you're working too hard, you know that the way I'm standing probably isn't good for the rest of Body either. Thanks for the heads up!

 You're the places of my fond memories of squishing mud and sand between you, splashing joyfully and sending messages to my heart saying, "this is fun! Fun is something you need!"

I love you, dear toes. You're always on the front lines of whatever adventure I choose to test out. You test the waters of life, and you're the first ones to touch the ground of each fresh day into which I am blessed to walk! I bow, namaste, to you my beautiful feet with 10 mini-canvases to decorate with polish and paint as I please. Pointed or flexed, you're the cutest accessories with a big job of balancing the life I carry! I love you toes!

You need an attitude adjustment! Well, maybe we all do?

Ever heard that phrase? As a teenager, I heard it a lot. I am sassy. I don’t like to follow rules, and I don’t always know when to shut up. When I didn’t like something, it was usually made known. I whined and complained a lot. My parents presence alone annoyed me. I was a typical, bad-attitude wielding teenage girl.

What ever happened to that bad attitude? Did it just dissolve away into nothingness? No, probably not. If I’m honest with myself, I probably turned it on myself as I got older. My guess is that a lot of us have a bad attitude toward ourselves. Maybe we think we’re too loud, too quiet, too tall, too short, too fat, too thin, not good enough, or just plain not good. Our society thrives on our tendency to adhere to those last four beliefs. After years and years of fighting my own self-worth demons with anorexia and addictive obsessive exercising, I have learned something pretty amazingly profound. (Granted I learned a great deal in recovering from these horrible struggles, but one thing keeps coming back loud and clear) My body is a pretty amazing and efficiently beautiful system. I’ve put some pretty unrealistic expectations on it, and it’s always met them. There were consequences. Yet, when I surrendered myself to recovery, the way in which my body has healed itself from things not only physically, but mentally and emotionally as well continues to amaze me everyday. I hope I never lose this sense of gratitude.

One way that I want to keep myself from losing the gratitude is by sharing it. I’m done accepting the attitude that “I’ll always have body image issues, everyone does.” No! I refuse to accept that this has to be this way. I’ve been learning something lately from my Nia classes. Nia is a multi-sensory, fun and exciting form of dance and exercise that my body loves to do. I’ve discovered the joy in music and movement through Nia, and I’ve also learned and processed some of the things that no therapy was ever able to touch. It’s hard to explain, take my word for it, and check it out for yourselves– http://www.nianow.com . Anyways, what I’ve been learning about in the past few weeks is that just like I like to hear compliments about myself, or about the work that I am doing, my body loves to hear me say nice things to it, too. This sounds absolutely ridiculous to probably 90% of women in this country. I gave up hating my body. I set a rule for myself about a year ago that I wasn’t allowed to have a mirror in my room until I learned how to talk nicely to myself in front of the half-mirror in the bathroom. There were going to be no self-shame sessions in front of a mirror anymore.

That worked for awhile, but lately I’ve been feeling this profound thankfulness for the body and the simple things that are so crucial to every day life…and I’ve been left in speechless awe on more than one occasion. This has really begun as a result of the Nia classes. I find myself wanting to learn more and more every time I go. Then two weeks ago, I attended a special class offering during a training that was being held here in the area. The class was very meditative and reflective, and ended with about 6-7 beautiful women walking very consciously about the studio as we were instructed to practice “body gratitude,” in which we were to say out loud, “thank you body, I am feeling more relaxed” or whatever we were noticing. As a soft voice instructed me to notice things about how my body felt, one instruction hit me right in the center of my spirit. Shortly after paying attention to how our legs felt as they carried our bodies across the floor, I heard, “sense how your clothes feel as they touch your body.” Seemingly insignificant initially, I took two steps as I felt my heart ache just a little, and two tears fell against my cheeks. I was standing near the door of the studio, and I had to pause. For years, getting dressed was almost torturous, because I could not STAND how clothes felt as they hugged the curves of the body that I hated. But in that moment, I realized that I had not had this feeling or thought in quite some time, because I immediately sensed the leggings and snugly-fitting, yellow top I was wearing were not torturing my body as they hugged the angles and curves. No, I felt safely embraced by the kind of clothes that I would have never dreamed of wearing a year ago…yet my body is considerably changed and bigger than it was back then. So, it’s not about what it looks like at all. Everyday since then, I have made it a very intentional and deliberate part of my day to be amazed at something, and some part of my body.

I know that I am not the only one who needs to hear this. My attitude adjustment will be public. The appreciation that I am expressing toward my body will be shared right here. We’ll see where this leads me. I think it will be an adventure, and I love adventures! I hope you’ll join me in changing your attitude, too. It’s time to accept the body gratitude attitude! Feel free to share your stories, too! I will happily post them!

Peace, love, flowers, trees, and all sorts of happy dances!

Mandi